Posts Tagged ‘failure is not an option’

Today’s stuff was definitely more recycling, as there was a lot more paper in the box that I was going through, but I still trashed some older stuff and then put more into the sales boxes. Again, sorry I’m vague, but it really is a push to just finish the month out. I can’t believe how much “crap” I’ve gotten rid of.

I still have more stuff, too. ARGH.

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I cleaned out some old bill drawers today. There was a LOT of paper. 25 pages easy. probably 25 x 10 pages, actually. Lots, and lots, of paper.

But hey, drawer space! We like drawer space!

Also, I started my new job today. I am very tired.

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I worked on cleaning up things today in the storage room. I found more nail polish to swap/get rid of (8 of them), then I cleaned out my car on the way up to get rid of recyclables (10+) and then I finished off / tossed out some stuff from the fridge that was past date (5). So, at least 23 today are going to leave either by way of recycling or by swapping. Hurray!

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I would say I am sorry for not writing here – but I’ve been writing. Some things in life are so very private, and do not need to be put onto the internet.

Sorry, Internet.

I have missed writing here. I realized NaPoBloMo is coming up, and I’ve done that before! What better way to get back into it – let’s see if I can start it again.

Let me do a brief rundown of What You Have Missed by Blog:

1. I’m a mommy. I have a son. He is amazing, 5 months old, and has a very large story. If you’d like to read it – and, unabashedly, vote for him in a contest, please check him out at this link and vote for He-Man!  He is in the 0-6 month section. You can vote once a day until November 1. 🙂

2. I am currently looking for a job here in Austin. I had a job working for EA that I adored and loved (Tech Support for Maxis/EAi), but my contract ran out. I am still looking now. It is something I work on every day. Slightly stressed. -slightly-.  Something good will happen.

3. Taken up more writing, constantly working on trying to get less in my house as life goes on… which is where my new challenges come in.


So, not only am I going to participate in NaBloPoMo, I’m also going to join into the Minimalist Project game. I plan to join with a dear friend of mine who I will link as soon as I can.

Each of my NaBloPoMo posts will be what I am getting rid of that day. Even just a photo if it is a long day. It will be effective in two ways: Getting me posting again, AND keeping me accountable to clean every day.

I’m changing the rules slightly: in the beginning when I only have a few items, I will just have a box, and once it is put into the box, there is no taking it out of the box.


Box box box. Box box.



Also, my favorite holiday is coming up. 😀

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(this was originally a Facebook post, but it evolved.)

I kept wanting to make some clear concise statement of how my emotions have been over the past two weeks, and how everything both personally and in the world are changing. There is a lot of pain I feel, intermittently, but I really have two choices in life right now: Take all my experience, my joy, my grief, my sorrow, my luck, my lack thereof, the positives I feel, the negatives I feel, the wonderful and amazing friends I have in my life, and just try to finally live the life I’ve wanted to for a while…. or wallow in self pity, doubt, boredom, and not be the person I know I can be. I’m in a place and a time that is wide open for me. I have one – really, just one – goal right now, and that is to stay here in Austin. And I know that I can do it. I know I can’t do it alone – so thank you. Each and every one of you who gives me a note on Facebook, a tweet, a message, a text. It’s very difficult for me to admit that my life is better when I’m not shut up by myself somewhere. I have some amazing friends now that I wouldn’t trade for a thousand years. I don’t want to leave you. I don’t want to leave here.

For the record – no. I don’t hate him. (I feel) we actually get along very well. For those who keep asking why I’m not mad – you know, I can’t answer that easily. There isn’t an easy answer to what I feel inside. Sometimes my stomach churns, sometimes I just excuse myself to the other room and cry for a while, sometimes I don’t even realize I’m crying as I’m sitting here. There’s a lot of emotion wrapped up in all of it, and I am just letting it all wash over and through me. I absorb it, I be with it, and it either moves on or retreats, then revisits, until it’s used up.

What I can tell you is that me getting mad would not change the situation and would make it worse. Trying to make the best of the wonderful friendship we do have is not only the best option, but the true way to “live life out loud”, which is something we’ve both talked about believing. Not all couples that break up have to have it go nastily, with bad energy, words, and badmouthing. I’m very lucky that we met at all, I’m so thankful for the time we’ve had together as a couple, all our experiences, memories, and joy.

And then with all that is happening in the world over the same time frame.. and I posted this quote below, but I’m posting it again, because it’s really how I feel about things.

We all have active choices. People claim to be bored, they have no control over their life – everyone does. You just have to have it within you to take that control. As much or as little as you want – it’s up to you. Don’t blame others for those things – take it upon yourself. It’s actually more freeing than you realize – and very scary.

But if I’ve learned anything, scary is oftentimes worth it.

“Just a simple choice, right now, between fear and love. The eyes of fear want you to put bigger locks on your doors, buy guns, close yourself off. The eyes of love instead see all of us as one. Here’s what we can do to change the world, right now, to a better ride. Take all that money we spend on weapons and defenses each year and instead spend it feeding and clothing and educating the poor of the world, which it would pay for many times over, not one human being excluded, and we could explore space, together, both inner and outer, forever, in peace.” – Bill Hicks

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To be perfectly truthful, this schedule is condemning even if I am at 100%. But I have no choice. I had to drop my Honors class, but it is for the best, all told.

Tuesday 29: Dr. Appt.
Watch two movies, write two reports – watched one movie. film history
Brit Lit Paper #1 – 45 minutes

Wednesday 30: Classes
Brit Lit Essay #1 work on
KNEA meeting 530pm
write two reports – film history

Thursday 1:
Finish Brit Lit Paper #1 by 6 pm
write 2 reports – film history 6 pm – midnightish

Friday 2:
study for Film History quiz during lunch like normal

Brit Lit #1 DUE (turned in)
4 film reviews, 3
work on: Brit Lit #2 paper

Saturday 3:
Brit Lit Final Exam half done, question 3 done, question 4 started

Sunday 4:
Music Appreciation Quizzes by 11 am done at 9 am
Brit Lit Final Exam question 2 by 1 pm done at 1pm
Brit Lit #2 paper FINISH by 530 pm finished 615pm
watch last 2 movies

Monday 5:
get up early, study for Film Exam
1030am Brit Lit Final class 1030-1230
Film History exam 1 – 3 pm, plus quiz.
2 film review sheets in film history DUE

Tuesday 6:
Brit Lit #2 paper DUE
take Music Appreciation final exams (3) – finish by noon finished 1125
American Lit paper #2 – finish by 6 pm
Study for American Lit Exam – use post it flags to mark sections of book
Study for Film History Quiz (Chapter 5!)

Wednesday 7:
American Lit Paper #2 DUE
American Lit Final 8am – 10am
take History Quiz after American Lit Final (Chapter 5)

Thursday 8:
Music Appreciation Finals due 8 am
sell back all books, collapse accordingly in my tiny pile of money.

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My boyfriend came up for the weekend and decided to stay with me for the week. His job is wonderful in letting him do this (while he is basically telecommuting). With his help, I am hoping to get through enough schoolwork this week to not have to take incompletes in any/many classes.

It is so hard for me to concentrate on much at all. I really don’t have a lot of energy. It is nice to be able to go out, though. I don’t trust myself to drive, so once a day I have been going on little excursions, with help to and from the car. I feel like a semi-invalid.

For a fairly independent person, having to rely on someone else is a rather new experience.

And I have less and less energy, and I sleep more now. So maybe this damned virus will run its course.

In the meantime, I have someone here to help me through it.

And to get me out into the sunlight once or more a day.

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Well, I have called myself a geek for years. Because I’m pretty sure I am one, in at least the standard, if not the deviant, form of the word.

However, there’s been one giant page in my geek handbook that has never been stamped.


That’s right. Never seen em. Any of em. Saw most of the original once and was so confused I said “Fuck it, until someone explains it to me, I’m not going to bother trying to figure it out.”

Many people have said “oh, we’ll watch it, I’ll explain it.”

Well, I FINALLY WATCHED IT. My (amazing) boyfriend is here taking care of me right now and decided that it is a perfect time for us to start watching.

And the other movies are stacked up right here too.

I guess I can knock that page out in my book.

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two bands I’ve had the privilege of working with for over 10 years, both say it better than me.

Thank you.

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Antibiotics are working. I do not have all the symptoms that I have been suffering from (most of my cold/cough/congestion is gone, unless I lie down).

However, it means that my mono has come out in full force. I ache all over, I have severe cramps in muscles, my headache is almost like a migraine by the end of the day. I can be sitting here and before I know it a couple hours have passed. I force myself to eat 2 meals a day and even then I am not hungry at all. For me, to take a bath is about the most exhausting thing I can do.

My homework is still sitting here. I have kept up on reading, but I am finding I don’t retain it. This is scary for me. I can’t tell you about at least half of the past week since I’ve been at home. I space out more than normal. I wish I could sleep more.

Anything that is rough material physically hurts me. My comforter is of flannel material, and I have a Linus approved fleece security blanket. I have other blankets around me, and those are mostly fleece/super soft. I’ve found out a lot of my tshirts are too painful to wear, and fuzzy pants are the awesomest thing ever. My cat tries to walk on me and I bust out crying because he weighs too much. (Fortunately, I can pet him and he is very happy.)

Laundry piles up. Recyclable bottles pile up. I feel terrible because I can’t physically do anything without the world spinning, turning white, and causing immense pain.

Thankfully I can watch movies (some even for homework) and a lot of footy.

I’m going to get worse before I get better. I’ve felt worse with every passing day. Never doubt that I’ll end up fine on the other side, however.

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