I am so tired of them. It feels like a mini heart attack. I get them often.
Almost always because of one thing: My death.
Why do I think about it? I don’t. My body automatically starts tensing up and my brain starts spiraling towards this deep dark place.
I don’t know why. I just know I’m sick of it. I get all weepy, tired, I can barely breathe, my chest tightens like I am being crushed slowly by an elephant. I am literally paralyzed. I’ve been scared a couple times I’ve been having a stroke, I go completely numb.
I’ve suffered from them for a few years. I was taking medicine but when I lost my job last year I had to quit taking it. I’ve been able to deal with everything but they’re more prevalent and intense lately.
I am spiritual. I believe in an afterlife, I believe in reincarnation (so much I’m writing a book on it), and I believe in many of Plato’s theories. I believe a lot of things.
None of these give me comfort, strangely.
Very few things do from these attacks.
So I guess I am asking: dear readers, how do YOU deal with them?
My main fear from the panic attacks is being alone. I don’t want to be alone.
I feel weird even typing this, but my lovely and amazing friend, The Bombshell, told me a while ago to use this journal for admittance, for catharsis, and I’ve taken a while to heed her advice.
But I did.
So please. If you have any good ideas or solutions – please let me know. Please don’t say religion or something like that – I believe in a few different aspects of many, and I believe I am okay with this. I don’t mean to be mean, just I really don’t want arguments about this to erupt here. 🙂