I had 2 part time jobs when I lived at home (I was a waitress at a local place, and then I either worked at a grocery store, or at a greenhouse) for over 12 months. 14 I think? I was let go from both jobs right around Thanksgiving in 2009, then after looking around for jobs I finally just went back to school in Fall 2010. In that time frame, even on 2 part time jobs, I managed to learn to budget very efficiently – enough I could still even take trips while managing to pay off at least one bill a month or pay down. (I paid off something like almost $15k worth of debt including some student loan in the time frame.)

Now, here’s the rub. right now, I have very little savings. It is something that right now I don’t have the luxury on, and it makes me very nervous. Which is why even with a full time job I’m working to get back to working on eBay in extra time. I lived for 3 years doing nothing but reselling, and that was really, really tiring and I hope to never have to do that again But it would be extra money, that can be used.

So now, my budget is (roughly) ~$1600/month after taxes.

When it comes to budgeting, I actually have mine in a couple areas. I have a whiteboard calendar that is dated 31 days, and on this calendar, I have the bill and usual price of bill (ie: my water/sewer/trash bill is variant between $50-70).

When you sit down to make a budget, go throughout the month, and write down what day you have what bill due, and how much it is. That’s always the first step in a budget. Make it on a piece of paper you can add/subtract to. Get a pile of all your bills. Write this all down on paper, as well as wherever else you need to remember. It’s easiest for me in multiple places as I always have a notebook with me.

So my budget reads something like:
1st: Rent – $873+60 (rent + covered parking + water/sewer/trash avg)
13th-18th: Credit card $100 (minimum is $68), Cable $50 (usually $40-45), Verizon $94 ($91-94)
13th-21st: Car Insurance – $125 ($110-125), Life Insurance – $17, Student Loan – $100 (minimum $86)

Things I don’t have on my calendar yet: Electricity – because I haven’t yet gotten a bill since it just got turned into my name. Cat expenditures, Car gas, my food. I use my credit card for car gas every month, which keeps a small active balance on it that I can pay a month. (I have some remaining balance from not being paid for work I did that involved travel that had to be paid via CC. long story)

So.. if you’re good with adding, you can see roughly I have less than $200 a month for the rest. Which is why I rarely go out – I quite honestly don’t have the money, because I PAY MY BILLS FIRST. I did have a roommate, whom I charged not quite half of even rent and utilities, etc, but I have since went back to living by myself because when I rely on people to pay bills and they choose not to – for whatever reason – it’s not a help, it’s a hindrance that almost made me lose the apartment. (can’t wait to get the money I am owed remaining from that, for savings.)

When I went back to living by myself, I decided to ditch my storage unit every month. I resigned my lease recently, and my rent went up from $789 to $848/mo for a 2/2. So I have a 2nd room that at the time was empty. I looked into moving into a 1 bedroom apartment, but the ‘cheapest’ option at the time was $750/mo, and I’d have to keep my storage unit at $60/mo.

So, $848 and move my storage stuff into my 2nd room, and set up the 2nd room to work on eBay, writing, stuff like that – or move into a 1 bedroom at $750/mo, keep the storage unit at $60 = $38 difference. I kept my slightly larger apartment – plus, my storage here is climate controlled Also, if it comes that I do eventually need to have a roommate, then I can go ahead and get a storage unit again and find someone. I have options at this rate – I do not with a one bedroom.

But, my budget can take it. Just barely, but it can take it. And I didn’t resign that lease until I knew for certain.

I hope this makes sense for people, if not, I can share more information.

Here’s some rules:

Rule A: Don’t budget on money that is not steady. I sell stuff on half.com, craiglist, etc – I’ve made an extra $60 this month alone from both those. That is extra money for me – either to buy extras or put in the bank. Overtime money? never budgeted. It’s never steady.

Rule B: Rewarding yourself is important but don’t use it as justification for overspending. My reward for working a ton of overtime? I stocked up on things I *needed* (such as cat food/litter on a great sale, stuff like toilet paper on sale) for things like peace of mind (plus, I don’t have to buy TP until like May or June at this rate), and then bought a new hairbrush and nail polish ($10). Yep, big spender. But it IS important to reward yourself now and again. Keep a wishlist.. or several. Ever seen my amazon wishlists? Full of everything from $1 books to $300 cat litter boxes. But it’s always a way to remember things I like or would like to save for!

Rule C: If you have a variant bill, either average it over the course of 12 months, or just figure high. My Car Insurance usually has ranged between $110 a month and $125. I always figure on $125/mo. If it’s lower? A little left over is a good thing. Never a bad thing. Also, round up your cents. $93.79 = $94.

Rule D: Any bill that just has a “minimum”, like a credit card or student loan? budget over it. Make yourself pay more. My student loan is $86/minimum a month, and I pay usually $100-125/mo. Not only do you get your bills down faster, you pay less in interest. Pay more for the high interest things, but always pay over your minimum. In the course of a year, even if I only pay $14 more on my loan a month, that’s $14×12 = $168. What’s $86×2? $172. So.. basically, I’m paying 14 months of minimum payments in a year by simply increasing every month by $14. When you are paying over the course of 7 years… well, you can see where I’m going. I can cut almost an entire YEAR off the time of the life of the loan…with an extra $14/month. Pretty simple if you break it down that way.

Rule E(xtreme): PAY YOUR BILLS FIRST EVERY MONTH. When I get paid, I immediately come home and pay the bills. Then, after that, I decide whether or not I can go do something fun or just go get milk, butter, and fruit at the store.

Rule F: If you’re in over your head, contact the companies you owe money to. Talk to them. Many companies will take a lower payment every month as long as you are paying. I remember paying one $2100 bill in $50 increments for a number of years – because that’s all I could afford. But they took it! And they were very happy about it!

Rule G: DO. NOT. LIVE. ON. CREDIT. CARDS. I have one. ONE. it’s cute. And it has a ladybug on it – most importantly, a good interest rate. I don’t need multiple ones. For me, that’s temptation – and I can admit it. I do not need the temptation. Living beyond your means will only get you burned in the end.

Here’s some good hints on budgeting:

Hint 1: If you want to budget in putting money into savings, DO IT. If that’s the only way to get yourself to be able to save, set up a separate savings account that the only way you can get money in and out is to go to the bank and drop off a check – and pay yourself every month. (Credit Unions are -great- for this.)

Hint 2: There isn’t a “maybe I can afford this or not”. Numbers are steady. You know how much money you have and how many bills you have. Sometimes there’s a bit of wiggle room – maybe you worked a couple extra hours overtime, but there’s an item that costs more money than that that you want? Save up for it. You can’t afford it. Learn how to tell yourself no.

Hint 3: Living paycheck to paycheck sucks. And I hate it. But it’s possible if you stick to your budget. If you go off budget, get back on board immediately!

Hint 4: Watch sales. I managed to save on my budget this month – I usually spend $40 month on cat litter, and because of sales, I bought the same amount pound wise for $30. Coupon sites are great, but only clip what you NEED. Don’t go extreme couponing just because you can – great way to throw your budget and make you spend money on things you don’t need just because you’re shopping. If you are saving up for a large purchase that you don’t need omg right away when you get the money, wait for a sale. Use sites like mrrebates.com, ebates.com – I don’t buy much online, but I’ve made over $100 back in a few years from these sites. I also use swagbucks.com – I use it strictly to buy Amazon gift cards. even 1 $5 Amazon GC every month = $60 a year I can use for laundry soap (which I can only find on Amazon, not locally) or books or whatever I’d like

Every little bit helps.

Hint 5: Remove temptation. I don’t go to malls.. or to stores.. when I’m broke and can’t afford things. There’s tons of free things to do around here, there’s always a great outdoors to go walk in, sit under a tree and read a book. I have a big weakness for books, and i never go to a bookstore unless I’m going in for a specific reason, because well….. temptation.

Hint 6: Ways to cut budgets: FOOD PRICES. Make lunches at home, take to work. Buy a french press, make better coffee at home instead of an overpriced Starbucks. Seriously – food is usually a huuuuuuuge expenditure. Add up what you spend in one week by eating out. Go budget what you can do at home… you’ll be shocked. Shop used items – I rarely buy any clothing new, or if I do, I will buy off a clearance rack. Goodwills are awesome, Craiglist is always AYOR, eBay can be great – or a temptation.

Hint 7: Make yourself do it. The rewards are enormous. I’ve never been able to have my own place, like I do now, before having a budget.

And we even made it in the Tribune, which still seems weird to me.

I think, ultimately, Kerouac said it best:

“I hope it is true that a man can die and yet not only live in others but give them life, and not only life, but that great consciousness of life.”

You definitely do that for me, Joe. You definitely do that for me.

I’m finishing it today – your birthday. It hit me really hard at work today. I realized it was your birthday and I picked up my phone to call you.

And I realized that I couldn’t do that anymore.

And for the first time in a very long time, I had to run out of my work space and hide in the bathroom and start crying. And I didn’t want to stop crying. But I did – in what you would say was “record time, for you” – and finished my day. And I don’t expect that it will be an uncommon occurrence over the next few days.

At lunch, two of my new friends came with me, and we all sat, had a beer, discussed D&D, poetry, and random things, and split food. And listened to you all the way to and from the restaurant. And I listened to you play a lot today, Joe. I had to. I probably will in the next few days. I still listen every week – it’s pretty much a habit, by now, an unconscious thought, a thing I do to complete every week I have.

I did on my birthday, too. I was driving to Dallas, and I put the first CD I ever got from you guys – hell, remember? You got me in the show and I promised to buy a CD, and I did. And that’s the CD I was listening to.

I still can’t believe that you’ve been gone this long. I feel bad I didn’t write this in time for your book.

You brought my life so much, and I don’t know that I told you enough.

If there’s one thing, just one thing, that I can do, in memory of you, it’s to make sure I treasure every moment – friends, family, work (oh man, you should see our Nerf fights) – and I do my best with what I can.

But I still remember seeing you, through the window of the coffee shop, reading a poetry book, and I said “I have to go in and talk to him, because he obviously likes poetry and has good taste.”

And I’ve never regretted it. You knew the shy me, the one a lot of people didn’t. And I remember everything… mostly everything. Including the stuff I’ll never tell anyone.

One day we’ll all laugh about this, together, again. I have faith. I have hope.

“And peruse manifold objects, no two alike, and every one good;
The earth good, and the stars good, and their adjuncts all good.”

Say hi to Walt for me, Joe. Ask him all the questions that we always wondered. Even if you can’t tell, at least you’ll know. And we can all fill it in someday.

I kept wanting to make some clear concise statement of how my emotions have been over the past two weeks, and how everything both personally and in the world are changing. There is a lot of pain I feel, intermittently, but I really have two choices in life right now: Take all my experience, my joy, my grief, my sorrow, my luck, my lack thereof, the positives I feel, the negatives I feel, the wonderful and amazing friends I have in my life, and just try to finally live the life I’ve wanted to for a while…. or wallow in self pity, doubt, boredom, and not be the person I know I can be. I’m in a place and a time that is wide open for me. I have one – really, just one – goal right now, and that is to stay here in Austin. And I know that I can do it. I know I can’t do it alone – so thank you. Each and every one of you who gives me a note on Facebook, a tweet, a message, a text. It’s very difficult for me to admit that my life is better when I’m not shut up by myself somewhere. I have some amazing friends now that I wouldn’t trade for a thousand years. I don’t want to leave you. I don’t want to leave here.

For the record – no. I don’t hate him. (I feel) we actually get along very well. For those who keep asking why I’m not mad – you know, I can’t answer that easily. There isn’t an easy answer to what I feel inside. Sometimes my stomach churns, sometimes I just excuse myself to the other room and cry for a while, sometimes I don’t even realize I’m crying as I’m sitting here. There’s a lot of emotion wrapped up in all of it, and I am just letting it all wash over and through me. I absorb it, I be with it, and it either moves on or retreats, then revisits, until it’s used up.

What I can tell you is that me getting mad would not change the situation and would make it worse. Trying to make the best of the wonderful friendship we do have is not only the best option, but the true way to “live life out loud”, which is something we’ve both talked about believing. Not all couples that break up have to have it go nastily, with bad energy, words, and badmouthing. I’m very lucky that we met at all, I’m so thankful for the time we’ve had together as a couple, all our experiences, memories, and joy.

And then with all that is happening in the world over the same time frame.. and I posted this quote below, but I’m posting it again, because it’s really how I feel about things.

We all have active choices. People claim to be bored, they have no control over their life – everyone does. You just have to have it within you to take that control. As much or as little as you want – it’s up to you. Don’t blame others for those things – take it upon yourself. It’s actually more freeing than you realize – and very scary.

But if I’ve learned anything, scary is oftentimes worth it.

“Just a simple choice, right now, between fear and love. The eyes of fear want you to put bigger locks on your doors, buy guns, close yourself off. The eyes of love instead see all of us as one. Here’s what we can do to change the world, right now, to a better ride. Take all that money we spend on weapons and defenses each year and instead spend it feeding and clothing and educating the poor of the world, which it would pay for many times over, not one human being excluded, and we could explore space, together, both inner and outer, forever, in peace.” – Bill Hicks

Tuesday 29: Dr. Appt.
Watch two movies, write two reports – watched one movie. film history
Brit Lit Paper #1 – 45 minutes

Wednesday 30: Classes
Brit Lit Essay #1 work on
KNEA meeting 530pm
write two reports – film history

Thursday 1:
Finish Brit Lit Paper #1 by 6 pm
write 2 reports – film history 6 pm – midnightish

Friday 2:
Classes
study for Film History quiz during lunch like normal
Brit Lit #1 DUE (turned in)
4 film reviews, 3
work on: Brit Lit #2 paper

Saturday 3:
Brit Lit Final Exam half done, question 3 done, question 4 started

Sunday 4:
Music Appreciation Quizzes by 11 am done at 9 am
Brit Lit Final Exam question 2 by 1 pm done at 1pm
Brit Lit #2 paper FINISH by 530 pm finished 615pm
watch last 2 movies

Monday 5:
get up early, study for Film Exam
1030am Brit Lit Final class 1030-1230
Film History exam 1 – 3 pm, plus quiz.
2 film review sheets in film history DUE

Tuesday 6:
Brit Lit #2 paper DUE
take Music Appreciation final exams (3) – finish by noon finished 1125
American Lit paper #2 – finish by 6 pm
Study for American Lit Exam – use post it flags to mark sections of book
Study for Film History Quiz (Chapter 5!)

Wednesday 7:
American Lit Paper #2 DUE
American Lit Final 8am – 10am
take History Quiz after American Lit Final (Chapter 5)

Thursday 8:
Music Appreciation Finals due 8 am
sell back all books, collapse accordingly in my tiny pile of money.

I remember trying to watch it when I was younger, but it simply just didn’t make sense. And then, in my stubborn ways, I decided I wouldn’t watch it until I had someone to explain it to me.

My boyfriend decided that he would be the one to take on this task. So we watched the… last… three? I don’t even understand the naming scheme, so I’ll just say the older 3. The original 3.

And.. I enjoyed them. I did! It’s an interesting concept. I think the plot has a ton of holes, and I kept having to ask questions, but I enjoyed it.

Kind of.

I want to pop C3PO in the nads. And tell him to shut the fuck up.

Good news: My actual full blood check came back fine. I am not anemic, all my other levels look good.

Bad/good news: My mono test also came back negative.

Whatever I have isn’t standard mono.

I am on steroids now, and I will be for over 2 weeks total, trying to get my swelling down and help me feel better.

They give me more energy, but it’s fake and it drains me when I realize that when I am ready to tap into my reserve of energy I usually have, it still has not returned.

So, what do I have? I won’t know until Monday the 21st. And then I hope that my visit shows that it is something we know what it is, and can get it out of me, so I can be back to full strength. I am tired of not being at full strength, physically and mentally.

My boyfriend decided to stay through the entire week to help me out with homework and with life. I’ve always been so independent and it is very difficult for me to admit when I need help.

So even though I am sick, and I am able to go outside, I am still not 100%. I am weak, with moments of even more weakness.

Having someone to watch over me, to help me through things when I can no longer get them through my brain, when I can no longer function on my own… this is an amazing feeling, and it is one that helps show, truly, how someone is in their life.

You can have a long distance relationship, you can talk about hopes and dreams… you can make them happen, but it’s times like this – when someone takes time out of their life, to show you how much you mean to them…

It’s not what you think.

It’s even a greater feeling.

One of the ‘joys’ of not having medical insurance – going to a hospital, filling out forms, and not wanting to know exactly how much my blood draw and tests will cost.

At least needles do not bother me in the slightest.

And I found out I had only lost about 4 lbs.. not 10. So I have been doing some things right.

Am also on steroids, and I do not like them at all. Fake energy is no fun. At least my swellings have gone down a bit.

It feels weird not being able to do things. Not having the energy where I usually had it. I am just… perplexed, really, is the best word for it. I cannot comprehend it, my mind cannot wrap around it.

And.. I miss going to class, and I can’t wait to get back. (I’m WEIRD).

It is so hard for me to concentrate on much at all. I really don’t have a lot of energy. It is nice to be able to go out, though. I don’t trust myself to drive, so once a day I have been going on little excursions, with help to and from the car. I feel like a semi-invalid.

For a fairly independent person, having to rely on someone else is a rather new experience.

And I have less and less energy, and I sleep more now. So maybe this damned virus will run its course.

In the meantime, I have someone here to help me through it.

And to get me out into the sunlight once or more a day.

However, there’s been one giant page in my geek handbook that has never been stamped.

“STAR WARS”

That’s right. Never seen em. Any of em. Saw most of the original once and was so confused I said “Fuck it, until someone explains it to me, I’m not going to bother trying to figure it out.”

Many people have said “oh, we’ll watch it, I’ll explain it.”

Well, I FINALLY WATCHED IT. My (amazing) boyfriend is here taking care of me right now and decided that it is a perfect time for us to start watching.

And the other movies are stacked up right here too.

I guess I can knock that page out in my book.